Why does losing things bother me so much? I thought a lot about this question this week. On Tuesday night, I noticed that my gold signet ring was not on my left hand pinkie finger. I’ve had this ring since childhood — it used to fit on my ring finger when I was 10 or so. I’m not sure who gave it to me or why — all I know is it’s probably the oldest valuable item I still have from my childhood. I had not worn it in years, but put it on about three weeks ago. I don’t wear much jewelry although I have quite a bit of it, thanks to my mother, who adores collecting it. When I noticed it was missing, I immediately went into mind overdrive, trying to re-trace my steps that day. I imagined it sliding off my finger as I took my jacket off — it was cool enough here to wear a jacket on Sunday. My OCD started to kick in as I went over and over in my mind where it could have dropped off. I searched my car, my bed, my house, crawling on my hands and knees… you get the picture! My husband tried to calm me down, saying that if God wanted me to have it, I would find it.
The next day I went back to and called every place I had been on Tuesday. Then I realized that I had a picture from Saturday night and sure enough, the ring was on my hand at that point. Therefore, it could have disappeared anytime between Saturday night and Tuesday night. It could be anywhere!! I’ve lost things before, and my normal is to obsess about the item in a very unhealthy way. This time, I was more aware of my thoughts and also the negative effect they were having on my mood. I wondered if there was some way to make “subby” give up the memory of it sliding off my hand. I was mad at “subby” for withholding the information! I wondered why I am so attached to “things”. I know things don’t define who I am!
Finally, this morning, before I got out of bed, I decided that I had the power to choose to be happy about this loss. Maybe it’s no coincidence that I chose to wear it again when I started MKMMA and it represents not a very happy time in my life? I feel a bit of relief now that I have made this choice. I thought about it a few times today when my thumb stroked the now empty back of my finger.
In the past, I would have had to force myself to think of something else quickly before I started down the road again of worrying or going over all the possible places it could be. Now, I was able to move on to other thoughts without much effort and enjoy my day. Wow, you really can choose which emotion you attach to a thought! How about that?!!