In grade school, college and even post-graduate school, I would often procrastinate or wait until there was sufficient pressure for me to start studying for a test. The same habit showed up when I began thinking about writing my Definite Major Purpose, or DMP. No reason to rush this, I thought — I’ll just read the MKMMA Part 1 and the Og Mandino book as instructed, and let things just “percolate” in my brain. Surely something will pop out at the end and on time, before the midnight deadline on Thursday. Nope, didn’t happen.
Finally, late last night, after caring for my 7 year old sick with strep throat for several hours — yes, there was much vomit involved — I was at a weakened point where I knew that I had to start somewhere. First of all, I can’t believe that it has taken me this long in my life to seriously consider what my legacy will be when I die. My mother brought this up to me a few months ago and my initial reaction was defensive. I thought “My gosh, I’m just trying to survive, not save the world!”. But the thought stuck in the back of my mind, so when MKMMA surfaced, I was interested in the program because of that comment from my mother and other reasons. My first attempt sounded like I was applying for a job interview. Late last night, as my daughter slept beside me on the sofa, I finally started to write phrases that sounded more “DMP-ish”.
I’m not completely happy with my first draft, which I will submit tonight. Part of my problem, I think, is that I have lost touch with what makes me happy and I’m not sure what I’m good at. This must be where self-confidence comes in, I realize! That’s one of the reason’s I’m doing the program! I wonder if the DMP truly expresses the real “me” or yet again, is something that I think others would appreciate and admire. There is some truth there, but I think that the final version will look a bit different as I work through the program and the materials. I will say that I don’t feel as depressed when I wake up in the morning so perhaps that book read out loud is affecting my subconscious after all. The Og book doesn’t sound so corny the more I read it. I am hoping and believing in the process. And in myself!